Because of You
by Swift178
Summary: Tails lies in hospital, his heart broken after Cosmo's death, carrying Sonic's baby, and hatred for his old friend running through his veins. [SonicxTails], MalexMale, rated M for language.
1. Broken Glass

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

I lay on my bed, curled up, not wanting to be seen. I grab the duvet and wrap it further around me, making sure it covered my head. I wondered vaguely if I held my head in the pillow, maybe I would stop breathing, stop suffering.

I feel sick at myself, yet I feel fulfilled and a small part of me happy. I betrayed the one I love with one of the people who killed her. I still remember her pretty face, those enchanting blue eyes gazing into my own. I remember, before her death, her telling me she loved me. I loved her. And I betrayed what we had.

Her death left me distraught. I couldn't stand the pain I felt, so I hid myself away. The others tried to talk to me, and get me to open up, but I couldn't. I didn't want to. I knew as soon as I faced even one of them, I would break down, and I didn't want anyone to see me cry anymore.

But it happened, worse than that. Sonic tried to talk to me, and I remember only feeling bitter towards him. He never even tried to save her when she was falling towards the pit of her death! He stood by my door for ages, telling me that he was as upset as I was, and that she was his friend too. How could he say that, when he never even bothered to try and rescue her from that fate?

I had kept moaning at him to go away, that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, that I just wanted to be left alone. But he didn't leave. He persisted. He continued to try and talk to me, and he actually sounded really upset, like he was close to tears himself.

I gave in and opened the door, and once I saw the face of one of my friends, I broke down again, as predicted, and Sonic saw me cry. I didn't want that, for anyone to see my pain. Especially not Sonic. What did he do?

He bent down and hugged me. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear, told me he was sorry, and that he cared for Cosmo too. I felt bitter again when he said that. If he really cared for her, he would have saved her, surely. I pushed him off and glared at him, turning on my heel toward the bed and told him to go away harshly.

At that moment, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I saw Sonic's eyes glazed with tears. He told me he hated to see me in pain, because he cared about me too much. A part of me felt sorry for him, but part of me still felt bitter towards the death and his lack of help. Then he did something that truly scarred me.

He kissed me. Not on the forehead, on the cheek, or anything like a family or friend kiss. A real kiss. On the lips. He pulled away soon after, muttering a hurried apology, looking at the floor awkwardly. I should have told him to sling his hook and not to bother me ever again. But I didn't.

I kissed him, long and deep. I was the one who betrayed the love I shared with Cosmo, regardless of whether or not she's dead. He responded, sliding his tongue into my mouth. Once we'd started, I couldn't stop wanting more. I kept on going, not once thinking of stopping at the time. I felt so lonely, I needed someone to comfort me. But I guess we went too far.

I awoke the next morning with Sonic laying beside me, snuggling into me. I immediately freaked out, remembering what we did and how I betrayed Cosmo's love with someone who could have saved her, but didn't. I pushed him off of me, began crying all over again, and told him I never wanted to see him again.

The look on Sonic's face is something I don't think I want to see again for a while. He only bit his lip, looked at the floor clearly hurt and nodded slowly before leaving, whispering my name to me.

And now, here I am. Lying in bed, unable to face the world. Because of what I did with my best friend, or should I say, former best friend. I don't want to know him anymore. He was once my hero, the best thing since sliced bread. But now, my eyes are completely open to his real flaws. I accepted the fact he couldn't swim, but being unable to save the person your best friend loved… it was too much for me.

It's about midnight now. The sky is pitch black, with the occasional white twinkling star. I managed to find the strength, for the first time in days, to push myself out of bed to gaze at the stars. I felt my eyes fill with tears again as I constantly wailed, pounding my fist into the window sill several times, not caring that my hand was beginning to throb painfully.

"I'm sorry Cosmo!" I wailed, tears leaking out of my eyes at maximum velocity, "I'm sorry!"

I knew she couldn't respond. She was dead anyway. But I feel sick with myself. Sick with the guilt.

I glance at a nearby picture of the gang. Myself, Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Cheese… all of them, looking so happy. Even I had a smile on my face, one to rival the others. But now, I feel like I can never smile again. My eyes pause on Amy, hanging on Sonic's arm with a dreamy gaze in her eyes. If she ever knew what Sonic and I did… it would kill her. She loved Sonic to bits.

I glare at the Sonic in the picture, feeling my blood boil and veins pop. I grabbed the frame, tossing the picture across the room, hearing a loud smash as it collided with the wall. I slowly walked over, gazing at the picture as it lay on the floor. While the glass had broken, the picture had not, and Sonic's face was still there, staring straight at me. I stretched down, grabbing the picture when a strange sensation came to my hand.

I glanced at my hand, and found that it was bleeding quite fast. I shook suddenly. Why did it feel so good to me? Because it was pain, punishment for betraying Cosmo, but better than the constant emotional pain I was feeling. I gazed at the picture, tossed it on my bed, before grabbing a shard of glass, deepening the cut in my hand. I grabbed my arm, pressing it so hard against my skin it split, and blood seeped out. I grabbed one of my tails, and slashed that, a lot of fur falling on the ground, and the rest of it covered in blood.

I continued slashing and cutting myself, feeling blood seep out of me. It felt good to me. Pain is good. And I can hopefully forgive myself upon this activity. Forgiveness for betraying my love.

As blood continued to seep out of me, I began to stagger, my vision fading. I wobbled, taking a step back and falling back on the bed. I could feel everything going dizzy as I collapsed, squashing the picture underneath me and going unconscious.


	2. Hospital Beds

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

I opened my eyes, with some strain, and gaze at the area around me. I had half-hoped that I wouldn't awaken at all. I had suspected that, if I did awaken, I would be in my bedroom, with the wrinkled photo and the glass on my floor. But no, I wasn't there. I found myself lying in a hospital bed, in a white room. It sickened me, and made me shut my eyes halfway due to the brightness.

I squinted, glancing around the room and taking in the detail. The white walls were greying, with the paint peeling off of the walls. A scowl settles on my face, as I begin to wonder who found me and dragged me here. I only prayed it wasn't any of my friends, especially not _him_.

The door opened with a slide, and I saw a tall red fox enter the room. He had one tail protruding from his back, floppy bangs on his forehead and calm, brown eyes. He approached me slowly, staring at me and only me. I found myself trying to back away, but couldn't, due to the fact that I was bound to some machines.

"Good to see you're awake at last, mate," the fox said with a strong British accent. I blinked in confusion. The red fox walked closer to me, smiling a little, "You were in a bad way."

I didn't say anything. Part of me wanted to, but couldn't find the words. The fox continued to smile at me warmly, "It's ok mate, you don't need to say anything, I know how it feels,"

I glare at him. How could anyone possibly know how I feel? The fox only gave me a look to suggest he knew the feeling, "I lost my baby sister when I was about your age. She meant everything to me."

I could see the red fox's eyes beginning to well up, trying to fight back tears. Maybe he did have a similar feeling. But I was alone in this, utterly alone. He couldn't know the feeling of losing someone like Cosmo. The person he lost was just his sister. The person I lost made me feel warm, and I felt true heart-pounding love with her. But it was gone, and I'm left with nothing but the cold. Nobody to love.

"I guess it hurts huh? But you'll get better, if you let yourself." he told me. Yeah right, like that would happen. I could never heal after Cosmo's death. I loved her too much. It would be like betraying her love all over again. The door slid open again and a black shaggy dog in a uniform entered, nodding towards the fox. He nodded back and got up.

"By the way, the name's Sparkus," the red fox told me, grabbing my hand and shaking it gently, for I hadn't the strength to move it myself. He turned and headed towards the door, "Chin up Tails." he said softly. I vaguely wondered how he knew my name, but also wanted to know what was going on.

The shaggy dog approached me, a clipboard in one hand, and a pen in the other. He placed them on the cabinet next to me, sat down on the edge of my bed, and looked me over.

"Well, I suppose you're wondering what happened to you? Well, you've sustained loads of injuries, and have lost a lot of blood. A transfusion will be required otherwise you're chances of survival are quite low."

For the first time, I found the strength to speak, "Who found me?" I said in a low, threatening voice. The dog looked around before facing my angry eyes again, "Who put me here?"

The dog sighed, trying to keep his hands from shaking, "I thought that was obvious, Sparkus found you, and as for who put you here, you did that yourself, I can only presume." he pointed out the vast majority of bandages that were wrapped around my body. I could only glare at him.

"Why harm yourself so badly?" he questioned me. I clenched my fists as tight as I could, hoping that would lead it to bleed again. I began to breathe heavily, my chest rising and falling, causing a strange sensation to my chest.

"Because it felt good." I said with complete honesty. The dog's eyes widened at me as I cast him a dark glare. If looks could kill, he'd be dead by now. He took a while to regain composure, and he stared at me again, "M-May I ask why?"

"It feels good compared to the pain I suffer day after day." I answered in a careless voice. He shook as I clenched my fists ever tighter, a growl sounding in my throat.

The dog took that as his cue to leave, but before he did, he turned to look at me, "The person with a match of your blood type will hopefully be your donor."

I was alone again. Good, the company was useless anyway. I didn't even want a blood donor. I've decided now and there that I don't want to live. A world without Cosmo is a world without love for me. I slam my fist down into the cabinet, hoping the edges were sharp enough to pierce my flesh again, but it was rounded. I stared at my unharmed hand, and began to sob uncontrollably. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair.

I gaze up at the ceiling, anger now coursing through me, "I don't deserve to be here," I muttered under my breath, "He does."

I thought about it long and hard. I was the one who only ever loved Cosmo, and wanted to show her our world. I wanted us to be together forever, for her to live with me, and one day for us to get married maybe. But it didn't play out that way, because he didn't save her. Then he comes to me, says he's sorry, and screws the living daylights out of me. True, at the time, I guessed I kind of enjoyed the feeling of being one with somebody, but it sickens me now.

"He should be here, not me." I choked out, trying not to burst into endless waves of tears. I felt utterly cold and useless, lying in this hospital bed, attached to a machine to survive. Not that I really care about survival anymore.

I lay here, staring at the ceiling high above me, tears slowly pouring out of my eyes. I began to wonder why it was me laying here and not Sonic. Could it be, because of what I did? When Sonic kissed me, I didn't push him away, I didn't tell him to go away. I kissed him, and allowed him to take advantage of me. I needed the loving at the time so bad, I didn't care who did it and how they did it. Could I be here, because I betrayed our love?

Tears pour down my furry muzzle, as I manage to gaze out of the tiny window, "I'm so sorry Cosmo…" I choked out, praying I would choke on my own saliva.

My head hit the pillow hard, and I allowed tears to leak out as fast and hard as they could. My head began hurting, but I didn't care at the time. All I could think about was how I wanted everything to end.


	3. Away from the Sun

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

It's been nearly a week since I found myself lying here in hospital and in my own warped mind, nothing has changed. I'm still attached to machines, feeding me and keeping me alive, what I really don't want. I still lay on the bed, still in pain, still wishing for my death to come soon.

My body doesn't hurt. I have felt a little queasy but nothing more. The doctors who glide in and out of the room look at me as if they think I'm in pain. It's true in some sense, but the cuts, they don't hurt. Not really. It is my heart that aches more than anything. It aches for the one I lost and the one I still loved and wasn't willing to let go of.

Cosmo… it hurt to even think her name. It brought joy and sunshine to me before, always made me smile and think positively. She saw me through the thickest and thinnest of things and never once lost faith in me, even when I lost faith in myself. And now she is gone. And she's most likely taken my heart with her.

'_But there were some good times…'_

I smile, remembering the day I laid eyes on Cosmo. Coincidence that Amy, Cream, and I were watching the meteor shower the night Cosmo arrived. When I saw her, lying there unconscious and injured, I couldn't leave her…

I lay back in bed, trying to think about the good times we shared, praying it would bring me some comfort.

**XXX**

_I squinted towards the falling meteor that was heading our way. It was such a pure white it burned my eyes and it hurt to see. Upon realizing we would collide with it, I threw myself onto the ground as Amy grabbed Cream. After the meteor had passed over us, my head snapped around to see it land nearby. _

"_Let's check it out!" I yelled, running toward where the meteor landed. For one of the few times in my life, I felt confident and ready for anything, much like Sonic. Amy and Cream followed me, but were clearly wary of the possible danger that could follow. I skidded to a halt and my eyes landed on a capsule, grey and dented. Then I saw her. A fair young girl, with green leafy hair, and pure soft-looking skin. _

_As I approached her, Cream left to tell her mother that we were coming, leaving Amy and I to look after her. As I held her in my arms, all I could think of was who she was and where she came from._

_**XXX**_

_I gripped the controls for the X Tornado tighter as I pursued the Planet Egg thief. I urged the plane to go faster, but the Meterex thief was too fast and escaped the planet atmosphere. At that moment, the plane stopped, unable to go any higher. I cursed at my failure to retrieve the Planet Egg, but when I heard a soft moan behind me, I whipped around and saw the same girl I had rescued earlier on in the night, with distant eyes._

"_Are you okay there?" I asked in concern, as she gazed out of the cockpit to the land below._

"_Just… a little… dizzy…" she said in a dazed voice, as she shook her head, and came back into focus._

"_I'm sorry…" I apologized, my mind still on my failure to retrieve the Planet Egg._

_**XXX**_

"_Wake up…"_

_My eyes opened to find myself in a dark cave. It was Cosmo's face that was the first thing I laid eyes on. Those lovely blue eyes were full of concern and worry._

"_Are you alright? Are you hurt?" She began, her hand resting on my arm, checking me for injuries._

_I sat up, ignoring a throbbing pain on my head, more concerned with our whereabouts, "Where are we?" I asked, taking in my surroundings. A dark cave, fairly damp, with a few dark green bushes and a formidable atmosphere to it._

"_You're hurt!" Cosmo cried a little, noticing an open wound on my forehead, the place where it was throbbing. I placed a hand to it, feeling blood soak my gloved hand, "Don't worry, it's nothing much." I claimed, trying to reassure her._

"_You do realize we've fallen to the bottom of this pit. Forgive me." Cosmo said, looking at her knees with sudden interest, unable to look me in the eyes. I glanced at her, _

_"It's not really your fault," I tried to reassure her and at that moment, something came to mind, "But the simple fact that a button exists in such a place could mean that somebody else is hiding here."_

"_Don't tell me it's the Meterex…" Cosmo said fearfully, remembering her family's deaths again. I tried to take my mind off of it by looking at the communication device on my wrist. I switched it on, trying to contact somebody, anybody. It didn't work._

"_I can't establish contact anymore." I stated, a little worried considering the only one who knew we were here was Knuckles, and anything could have happened to him._

"_I'm sorry." Cosmo said, bowing her head again, tears trying not to well up in her eyes._

"_You have no reasons to be sorry," I said warmly to her, as she sat there almost depressed. I switched the communication device to Chaos Emerald Search mode, and I was surprised to get a signal, "A Chaos Emerald is nearby! Let's go!" I attempted to get to my feet, but found Cosmo was holding me down._

"_Wait." she said, reaching for a bandage, placing it around my head, and wrapping it around my bleeding wound. I tried to object, telling her it was nothing, but she continued to wrap the bandage around my head. All I could do was sit there and blush, waiting for her to finish._

_**XXX**_

_I wandered down the corridor, my arms filled with boxes to help repair the Chaotix's ship after, from what they've told me, Charmy had been playing around with the controls. I carried the heavy equipment along, humming to myself, and, in an instant, felt something collide with me. Sure enough, I looked up to see Cosmo, a little taken aback at the collision. I felt truly embarrassed at my blindness, and I rubbed the fur on the back of my head, struggling not to blush, "Er… sorry about that,"_

"_No it's my fault," Cosmo said gracefully, reaching around to pick up the many boxes she herself had been carrying, carefully not getting mixed up with mine, "I wasn't watching where I was going."_

"_Are you hurt?" I asked, genuinely concerned. I picked up some of the boxes she had dropped and helped put them back in her arms again. Cosmo shook her head at my question, "Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry. I must go."_

_At that, Cosmo ran down the corridor, leaving me standing there. At my feet was a small box. Picking it up and opening it, I found a little purple flower jewel, "She must've dropped it..." I sighed, pursuing her to return her item of belonging._

_**XXX**_

"_Cosmo?" I asked, my eyes falling on the room decorations and Cosmo struggling to put a sign up, which read **'Thank You Everybody!'**_

_Cosmo turned at the sound of my voice and looked at me in shock and partly horror, "You weren't supposed to find out yet!" she claimed in a high-pitched voice. I approached her, as she stood upon that ladder, she smiled at me, clearly not angry that I had discovered her secret, "I thought that if I organized a little surprise party, it would make everyone feel better." she continued. I smiled at her._

"_That's a great idea! But organizing a party is a lot of work, so I can help you… if you want me to…" I offered shyly. Cosmo smiled at my offer, "Don't you have a lot of work to do already?" she questioned._

"_Nah, I'm almost done." I said, shrugging my shoulders. A bigger smile was placed upon Cosmo's face, "Thank you Tails, that's really nice…"_

"_So where do I start?"_

_**XXX**_

"_Look out!" I screamed as the disco ball began a collision path with Cosmo. Vector had clearly had a temper tantrum for some unknown reason to me and kicked it. I pushed Cosmo out of the way, listening as the ball slowly bounced on the floor and Cosmo was safe._

_I got up to find her directly under me, completely pink in the face. I hadn't realized what I had done then, "Cosmo, are you alright?" I asked in concern. Cosmo's eyes opened and her already tinted pink cheeks went red, "No… it is thanks to you I'm alright."_

_At that moment, reality hit me and I realized what I had just done. I had kissed her. Upon pushing her out of harm's way and landing on top of her, my lips had met hers. I felt my face go hot as I realized what I had done, and I quickly got off of Cosmo, who brushed her skirt. I turned and saw Espio, Charmy and Vector sitting there with big cheesy grins on their faces, "What are you doing by watching us?" I questioned with a threatening hint to my voice. The Chaotix had cheesy grins on their faces and simply babbled a reply. I wasn't really listening. All I could remember was that I had my first proper kiss and it was with Cosmo._

_**XXX**_

_I had been laughing at Espio's and Charmy's expenses, both with face paints while Vector told a story about a crime they once solved. I stopped laughing though, when I laid eyes on Cosmo, standing by herself, looking out of the window. I got to my feet, remembering what I had forgotten to give her._

_Cosmo turned as I spoke her name and she smiled at me with an angelic smile, "What is going on there?"_

_I was a bit confused by her question, but realized she must have heard the laughter from our table, "Vector is just telling one of his crazy crime stories." I laughed, remembering how goofy Espio and Charmy looked with paint on their faces._

"_Thanks for helping me with this party Tails." Cosmo said in a shy tone._

"_No problem," I said, as shy as Cosmo. I don't know what reminded me, but something did, "Oh by the way…"_

_Cosmo turned to me, her face set in a confused look, "Yes?"_

"_I forgot to give this to you last time," I said, holding out the box with the flower jewel inside. Cosmo took it, gazing upon the tiny jewel that barely fit in the palm of her hand, with a dreamy look on her face, "Do you like it?" I asked._

"_Yes, it's wonderful, I will never leave it." Cosmo said in a dazed voice, clearly emotional that somebody had remembered to give it to her. Cosmo turned to gaze out of the window, her eyes never leaving the many stars in the black space. I felt my face going hot, as I remembered the kiss we had shared, accidental, but it felt right to me._

"_You're so beautiful Cosmo…" I blurted out before I got the chance to even think about what I was going to say. I averted my gaze from her, too embarrassed to even look at her. I don't think she knew I was referring to her at the time._

"_The view is beautiful and this spectacle of stars in the sky is so nice that we could watch it for hours." Cosmo said, too focused on the view outside._

"_Yeah, I agree." I said embarrassedly, rubbing the back of my head._

_**XXX**_

"_Cosmo, what are you doing here alone?" I asked, seeing Cosmo standing on the cliff looking out onto the village of the Marmolims. Cosmo turned to face me, "Just thinking I heard it was you who found the solution to healing this planet."_

_I shook my head, "Everyone helped with that, including you." I said simply. __Cosmo turned away, a pink tinge appearing on her cheeks, "I didn't do that much."_

"_Listen," I said, wanting more than anything to know if she was truly okay with everything, especially after the Marmolims predicted death was near for her, "I can see that something is bothering you. You can tell me anything, unless you… don't trust me…?"_

_Cosmo looked at me in shock, "What? No, no, not at all, I assure you, absolutely not, no, no, no it's not what I meant, yes I trust you."_

_I giggled at her response, watching Cosmo go pink in the cheeks, "That's all I wanted to know, we don't always have time to chat." I said, turning around to head back to the village._

"_Wait for me!" Cosmo cried. I turned around to see her trip up. I quickly caught her in my arms before we were both miraculously thrown into the air. The settings around us turned into a beautiful sapphire blue, but all I could really see was Cosmo. Everything that wasn't the girl I held in my arms was a pale blue blur. As we hit the ground, water covered our bodies. I looked at Cosmo, still holding her, and saw her face was red, "Are you alright?" I asked, worried. _

"Yes, but what happened?" Cosmo asked. Her question was never answered as our eyes latched onto the beautiful milky moon in front of us. As I held Cosmo close to me, I couldn't hear or see anything that wasn't the moon or Cosmo. Even the cursing and yelling of Amy couldn't be heard.

**XXX**

I feel worse. Remembering all of those beautiful and happy moments had made me feel even more terrible. It just reminded me of what I lost. My mouth burned, my eyes burned, everything burned. I longed for her to be there, to hold me in those soft warm arms. I longed for her healing lips on mine, I longed for her to stroke my fur and tell me everything would be alright. But it couldn't happen. She was dead. I can only lay there and think about times that have long passed. Times that I wished I could return to and change.

I wonder if the others know I'm here. I couldn't care less really. All they would do is fuss. They would all tell me how silly I am. They would all try and trick me into thinking it would be alright when it wouldn't. Amy would talk in that annoying voice, telling him about her relationship with Sonic. Yep, her relationship with him. It makes me feel even sicker when I think about what we did. Sonic and Amy were dating, and he still came onto me. Plus, if I even _hear _his name lately I head into a dark, mute attitude, and I keep thinking about smashing things.

I look at the scar on the palm of my right hand, scabbed and beginning to heal. I longed to pick the scab, and feel that feeling again. But I didn't even have the strength to do that anymore. Over the past week, I had been 'deteriorating' as the doctor's like to call it. They keep saying that I need that blood donor as soon as possible. I couldn't care less if they don't find one.

My stomach hurt a little but I hardly noticed it. My back ached a little bit but I didn't notice. I felt nauseous and horrible, but I didn't care. My stomach churned as a song came on, a song that reminded me of me. My entire body settled down as the song began to play.

**_It's down to this  
I've got to make this life make sense  
Can anyone do what I've done  
I miss life  
I miss the colours of the world  
Can anyone go where I am _**

'Cause now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again  
Away from the sun again****

I'm over this  
I'm tired of living in the dark  
Can anyone see me down here  
The feeling's gone  
There's nothing left to lift me up  
Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun

The nauseating feeling was taking over, as I listened to the song, thinking about how the song reminded me of me, laying here, away from the sun, in the darkest of places. Nobody could ever come here, and nobody could ever find me. My stomach was beginning to churn.

_**That shines the life away from me  
To find my way back into the arms  
That care about the ones like me  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again **_

It's down to this  
I've got to make this life make sense  
And now I can't do what I've done

And now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines the life away from me

The pain was beginning to feel affective and I wanted to clutch my stomach, but I was too weak to even do that. My stomach tightened, and I felt a burning sensation move up my body. A small amount of a hot, sticky, smelly substance left my mouth, but the rest never left. It moved back down my body.

_**I'm so far down, away from the sun again**_

I coughed, as it began to take over. The vomit that had left my mouth began to dribble down my face. I tried in vain to breathe, but it became harder. I was choking so badly. As I choked on my own vomit, all I could think of was if I died, would I be able to see Cosmo again?

I could hear the doctor's enter the room, talking in panicky voices, trying to resuscitate me. I coughed and choked harder, my body shaking as if I was having an epileptic fit. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and my forehead burned. As I drifted into unconsciousness, for some reason, I was thinking about _him_. How he would feel if I died, how he would cope.

'_I'm coming… Cosmo…'_

_**I'm gone**_


	4. Shock Horror

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

"_It can't be possible…" _

"_It defies all the rules of physics…"_

"_It can't be true…"_

Voices fill my head as I try to open my eyes. Am I… dead? Why can't I hear Cosmo then? There's only one way to find out. I open my eyes.

A hospital room, the same one I had that fit in, still pale and greying, still dull and haunting. A few tears prick at the corner of my eyes. I'm not dead. The voices can still be heard, I wonder what they're talking about. I lie back in the pillow and listen, for it's the only thing I can do.

"_Are there any friends or family we can contact?"_

"_Sonic… Sonic the Hedgehog…"_

The shaggy dog who first diagnosed me entered the room, clipboard in hand, and he settled at the edge of the bed. He looked at me, and noticed my tears before looking at his feet. I feel sick. I had come so close to seeing her again, why am I still here?

"You gave us all a nasty turn there, little guy," the dog started, "You choked on your own vomit."

"Why?" I whispered hoarsely, "Why did you bother to save me? There are others who deserve it, and I just wanted to be left in peace."

"There's a reason out there for you to live, it's not healthy to want things to be this way." the dog replied. Ha. Very funny. The only reason that there was for me is dead. And she's never coming back. Not ever.

"I just want to die, is that so wrong?" I whispered. The dog shook his head at me. I could've sworn I heard him say yes.

"We've gotten into contact with a few of your friends and they'll be visiting you this afternoon."

No. Not Sonic. Anyone but Sonic. I don't want to see him being sympathetic towards me. I don't want anyone to be sympathetic. I've made up my mind. Heck, Sonic would probably try and say he's sorry when he's not. Fuck him. Fuck them all.

"I don't want to see them." I firmly said. The dog shook his head, "We've called them now, so it's a bit too late. Besides, it might do you good."

Do me good? Ha. How can Sonic or any of the others make me feel any better? Heck, it'd make me feel so much worse. I folded my arms and sulked, "I don't want to see them." I said tightly.

The dog shrugged, "It'll do you good to have your friends by your side."

At that, he left the room. How dare he! Deciding what he thinks is best for me! Only I can decide that, and what's best for me is death! Why can't people see that?

I can only lie there, hoping I'll choke on my own vomit again before my friends come visiting. I gaze at my scarred arms, some of which were still scabbed and infected. I don't care though.

I just lay there thinking. Thinking about all kinds of things. I remember what happened before I passed out. I was thinking about him. Why? I don't give a damn about him. When I was sad, he never comforted me, and when he did come to my door, he screwed me. Sick pervert. I hate him. I really do.

Afternoon rolled around eventually. It came all too quick for my liking. I tried to pretend I was asleep so that they'd all leave me alone. But they never did. Rouge didn't come either; she's too busy chasing jewels. Good, one less visitor. But the others… damn it. Though I pretended to sleep I heard them.

Cream and Cheese bawled their eyes out for the whole time they were there, and I could hear Vanilla trying to comfort them in vain. Amy cried quite a bit when she came in too, whispering about how I didn't deserve this after so much had happened. She was right there, but if only she knew the truth, then she'd see that I do deserve it. I let her boyfriend fuck me. I didn't stop him until it was too late and the deed was done. Knuckles said nothing really. Just that he was sorry. Sorry for what? He did nothing to hurt me.

But he did. I heard Sonic come in and sit down. I gritted my teeth to make sure I didn't just kill him on the spot. I couldn't anyway, not with the machines attached to me. I was too weak. At that moment, I heard Sonic burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry, Tails, if only I was there, I could've stopped it from happening…" Sonic babbled, going on and on about how he could've saved me. Ha. He could've saved Cosmo. But he didn't bother. It's his own fault I'm laying here, because he didn't even try.

I heard him get up to leave, and that's when I opened my eyes, "Sonic…" I whispered hoarsely.

"Tails?" Sonic turned around, and I saw his normally green, full-of-life eyes filled with tears. He looked at me lying there, awake. I hope it burns into his memory forever. I glared at him, "You… bastard…"

"Tails… I…" Sonic began but I didn't want to hear it.

"You should be here… not me…" Sonic looked at his feet as I said that in the coldest voice I had.

"I'm sorry Tails…" he said before he took that as his cue to leave, and I could hear him crying on the way. Good. He deserves all the pain he gets. And he, be sorry? That'll be the day.

At least the visits are over. That's something. I can only hear the doctor's talking. About whom I didn't know.

"_How can that be?"_

"_The results are positive,"_

"_Its better we tell him straight away,"_

"_Are you sure that is wise?"_

"_He has a right to know…"_

The door to my room opened. Could that mean they have been talking about me? The black shaggy dog walked in with that clipboard he always carries and sat at the very end of my bed. I know that this is important, but I just can't care less.

"What?" I said in a low, rude tone. The dog was shuffling, a little nervous.

"Well… this is going to be hard to believe… but when you had that fit and choked on your own vomit, we tested you for any unknown diseases…"

"I'm not a lab rat." I found myself whispering coldly.

"And we came up with something," The dog continued, ignoring my statement, "We couldn't believe it was true, but the results all pointed to positive…"

"Just spit it out already!" I said in the angriest voice I could muster. The dog jumped at my anger before looking at his clipboard, sighing and looking me in the eyes.

"I'm afraid to say you're pregnant, Mr. Prower."

I passed out on the pillows.


	5. Confrontation

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

_Pregnant_

I can't believe it.

_Pregnant_

I won't believe it.

_Pregnant_

I'm a GUY for God's sake! Guys don't get pregnant, do they! So how the hell could this 'analysis' be true?

The doctor's will figure it out. I'm not pregnant. They're doing this to scare me, or they miscalculated. I mean, doctors make mistakes all the time, don't they? It can't be true. It isn't true.

_Pregnant_

That same word runs through my head, haunting me again and again. It won't leave me alone. Even in my sleep, it repeats itself, along with images of blood, and a screaming half-breed baby, with two fox tails, and hedgehog quills. It's not true, tell me it's not true!

But it is true. I know it is but I refuse to believe it. The doctors proved it. They showed me the test results, and I didn't believe them. They had me take a regular pregnancy test and I thought the test was messed up. But then they showed me the one thing that made me realize this was really happening. The foetus. He gave me a really early ultrasound and I saw it. The foetus.

But I don't want to believe it. I don't want to be pregnant. I'm only fourteen! I'm not old enough to be a parent! I suppose… I could abort it but… it feels like murder. I don't want to lower myself to that level.

And the worst thing about this? Sonic's the father. He knocked me up. And now I'm carrying his baby. It makes me feel sick to have this life form growing inside of me and the father could have saved Cosmo's life. It's horrible, that's what it is.

A tube is stuck down my throat in the mornings until it removed the vomit. Morning sickness, yuck.

My mind's in panic mode. I've never felt more scared than I have ever felt in my entire life. I can't stop thinking about Sonic either. About what he'd say, what he'd do… I don't want him near me. I've made that clear when he visited. Plus, there's the fact that this is only a three-month pregnancy. I'm not even thinking about death anymore. I don't want to bring an innocent life to death because of my selfish-ness. I'll stay alive to see the baby born. I have to.

The doctors come in for my check-up and announce that I am getting better, at any rate. But I still need that blood transfusion. Damn. I'm going to need that transfusion to help keep the baby alive.

I don't know why, but since finding out I was pregnant, death doesn't appeal to me that much anymore. Maybe when it's born, I'll move away, and look after it. And Sonic won't be allowed anywhere near it. Who knows what could happen?

I have my lunch, which I nearly wolf down, to the surprise of the nurse who brought it to me. I guess hunger is a huge part of pregnancy too.

Other than that, I'm alone for the afternoon. That's what I thought it would be like anyway. A chance for me to catch up on my sleep, and hopefully dream of something other than Sonic or the birth. But no, it never went like that.

I did fall asleep, but loud banging awoke me, and caused me to shake a little as I feared for the worst. I rolled over and caught sight of a blue hedgehog barricading the doors. No one must know he's here; he's dressed in a long coat and hat. But I know it's him. A feeling's there inside of me that tells me it's him.

My eyes snap open widely and a look of fury crosses my face, "SONIC, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

Sonic didn't pay any attention to me. He just pushed all kinds of heavy stuff to block the door, taking the cabinet next to me and grunting to block the door. No one was coming, I can't hear them. They definitely don't know he's here.

The door's completely barricaded. I widen my eyes, "What are you doing?" I asked again, in a quieter voice, my throat beginning to hurt now.

Sonic turned to face me, taking off his hat slowly and looking at me with a tearful expression, "We need to talk." Sonic claimed slowly.

Talk? I didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted him to leave. I said everything I had to say to him when he visited last time. That he was a bastard and I never wanted to see him again. All the rage I had tried to forget for the sake of a healthy pregnancy boiled up inside of me and I opened my mouth to scream, but Sonic placed a hand over my mouth.

"Please, Tails… just give me a chance to explain." Sonic begged me. Pathetic. He's trying to look innocent, and sweet. Utterly pathetic.

I struggled but I still wasn't strong enough to fight Sonic off. Sonic easily fended off my struggles, "Listen Tails, this won't go unsaid; I need to explain myself, like I should've done after…_it_ happened…"

I sigh, realizing my defeat and I slouch back in the bed, folding my arms across my chest and wincing, an infected scar on my arm causing me a little pain. Sonic grabs a spare chair and scoots up next to me.

He says nothing. He has his fingers on his chin as I wait impatiently. I'm ready to scream for someone at any moment. It won't take much effort, though my throat is beginning to feel raw and sore.

"Well?" I began, a hint of nastiness in my voice. Sonic has seemed to find interest in his feet, and he twirled his ankles a bit, deep in thought.

"Tails… I… how can I start?" Sonic said slowly, choosing his words very carefully, his hands moving in awkward motion in his lap. Determined not to meet his gaze, I focused on either his hands in his lap or the pale ceiling above me.

"You can start from the beginning." I said firmly, waiting impatiently for Sonic to explain everything. This is going to be good…

"Tails… I… I don't know how to explain why I did what I did, but it felt so right with you and I must not have been thinking straight at the time, but I thought you felt the same and… what else can I say… I'm so sorry Tails…"

I glare, "Is that it?"

Sonic looked up at me, "What else is there to say!"

I pause, thinking of a good comeback. I know there is still plenty more that needs to be said, "What do you mean, 'it felt so right with you'? You're with Amy, Sonic! And you cheated on her with me! Why the hell did you do that to her Sonic! Why do that to me!"

"Tails, I care about Amy!" Sonic blurted out, his eyes glazed over angrily, "Do you think I would do a single thing to hurt her?"

"You really care about Amy huh? Well, tell me then! Tell me you love her!" Tails blurted out, not really caring about the effect.

Sonic was about to reply when he paused abruptly, biting his lip slowly, teetering on dangerous ground. I smirked, "I see. You don't love Amy at all, do you?"

"Of course I do!"

"Well say it then!"

Sonic paused again, looking at his feet, "I… I can't…"

He doesn't love her. That's all that can mean. Why? Why is he still with her? Why keep a terrible secret from her?

"You have a think there Sonic… how do you think Amy is going to react and feel when she finds out what's happened between us? Do you think it's going to be pretty? Because you and I both know that nobody and I mean,_nobody_ plays with that girl's heart and gets away with it."

Sonic shivers as I say that in an evil tone, "She won't find out." he said, trying to force confidence in his voice.

"Oh she won't huh? What makes you so sure of that?"

"She just won't." Sonic shakily replied.

"Oh yes she will and when that time comes, she's not going to be very happy is she?"

Sonic growled, "And how will she find out Tails! You gonna tell her? There's nothing you can do! That night between us was a mistake! We both know that! Why do you hate me so much for that one mistake?"

That was it. I had snapped. He thinks it's all about him? He's dead wrong, "You think that I hate you because of what happened that time? Yes! I do! But what lead me into depression? It was her death! This is your fault! You never saved her! You evil bastard, you could've saved her!"

Sonic was in complete shock from that, I could tell. He was trying to find the words to say, "Tails… I… I…"

"I trusted you! SHE trusted you! You were supposed to be her friend Sonic and you left her to die! We trusted you; you're not fit to be a hero!" I almost screamed.

Sonic's face went red and his eyes almostpopped out of his head, "You think you were the only one to care about Cosmo, Foxboy? You think that I would've saved her if I could've? No! There was no bloody hope Tails, none! If anything, you killed her, not me!"

I paused, and I could feel my face go pale. My whole body felt cold and my breathing pace quickened. I… killed Cosmo? How could I have?

"I loved her! I loved Cosmo more than ANYTHING!" Tails cried.

"Some way to prove how much you loved her then isn't it!"

I begin shaking. I can't stop shaking. I really killed Cosmo? It was… me?

_**XXX**_

_My thumb sat there, barely touching the firing button for the Sonic Driver cannon. I gaze ahead at the giant black Planet Egg, and on top of it was a beautiful tree with pure pink leaves and bushes. I could almost see Cosmo there. She was the tree. And she was at death's mercy._

_Tears leak out of my eyes. I never wanted it to end this way. I had always imagined that when all this was over, Cosmo would come back to live with us. And it would stay that way forever. And we would grow up together, probably even get married…_

_But I never imagined this. She's telling me to shoot her. It's too hard! Because… Cosmo, I can't! I love you too much!_

_A loud explosion was heard next, and I noticed my thumb was firmly pressed on the button which fired the cannon. I can't believe it. She's gone…_

_**XXX**_

Sonic's right… I don't believe it. But it's there, in my mind. I killed my first and probably only love. It wasn't Sonic. I feel sick at myself.

_Murderer_

"Tails?" Sonic asks me, just grasping what he said and trying in vain to take it all back, "Tails, I'm sorry!"

"I think you'd better go, Sonic." I claimed coldly.

"Tails! I'm sorry! I take it back! I didn't mean it!" Sonic cried. I didn't even notice the tears leaking down Sonic's face.

_Murderer_

"It's true…" I mutter in shock.

"No it's NOT Tails! You loved her!" Sonic wailed, trying to get me to look in his eyes. His emerald-green eyes are filled with tears.

_Murderer_

I've got a funny way of showing it. Hell, I killed her. And I loved her. Bit strange how that works isn't it? I place my hand on my belly, which was slowly beginning to develop. What if I end up doing the same to my baby?

"T-Tails?" Sonic sobbed, looking at me hopefully.

"Bastard…" I coughed, feeling my throat reel in pain, "You… b-bastard…"

"Tails… I…"

"You screw me, I'm put into hospital, and I find out I'm pregnant, yet I can't help but feel that I deserve it." I say in an eerie tone.

Sonic's eyes widen at what I said. He must've caught on, "P-Pregnant? B-But how?"

"Just go Sonic…" I whisper. Sonic grabs my hand, trying to reason with me but I end up shouting "JUST GO!" straight into his face.

Sonic winced, alligator tears streaked across his cheeks as he began moving the stuff he had used to barricade the door. I rolled over, not wanting to be seen by anybody. When all of it was moved, I heard Sonic leave.

And I could've sworn I heard the words _'I love you Tails.'_ as he left.


	6. All the Things He Said

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

**_All the things he said  
All the things he said  
Running through my head  
All the things he said  
All the things he said  
Running through my head  
This is not enough_  
**

I can't believe it. He was right. It wasn't him. And there I was, blaming him. I feel partly sick at myself. I just want to forget everything.

I can't sleep anymore. I'm scared of those reoccurring nightmares, the one where I hit that button, that horrible little small button which looks completely harmless. So I just lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wasting my energy by sobbing pathetically.

And yet… if there's another thing I can't keep my mind off of, it's _him_. I keep remembering his face as I shouted at him to leave. Something I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. I know now, he never killed her, yet my heart still pounds hate for him through my veins. Why? He still fucked me and got me pregnant didn't he?

Heh, I keep thinking about that night too. The night in which he took away all my innocence. The night which has lead me into this vile hate and depression. Sonic…

Why? Why do I keep getting that feeling inside of me when I think of that bastard? Why does part of me want to kill him, yet another part of me want to just throw my arms around him and cry helplessly, begging for his forgiveness, and want him to hug me.

_**I keep asking myself, wondering how  
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out  
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me  
Nobody else so we can be free**_

It's strange. I hate Sonic, yet I miss him. I grit my teeth and try to erase the fact that I miss him terribly. I sob, the white covers catching my salty tears. I miss him…

_I'm sorry Sonic!_

It's almost as if the hate was being erased bit by bit and there was little of it left. All I can feel is the need for him to come back to me and be my friend again. I want to put the past behind me now, I have to!

I gaze down at my belly, which was getting a little rounder. I rub it, trying to feel my baby inside. I still didn't deserve this teenage pregnancy, and nevertheless, I'm a guy! How the hell am I going to give birth?

"Guess I'll wait until that time comes." I sob, trying to force a smile onto my face, but it's too hard. It's almost as if I could never smile again. I miss the feeling of being happy, but that left when Cosmo died. It's hopeless.

Man, my emotions travel up and down like an emotional rollercoaster ride. I want Sonic back, yet I still have hate for him. I want to be happy, yet I don't. I'm confusing myself. I lay back and gaze at the ceiling as that doctor, the one who usually looks after me, comes into the room, holding that same clipboard he always holds.

"I have some good news and some bad news for you, Mr. Prower." he told me, settled on the edge of my bed. He's less intimidated of me now, but he still backs off. He probably heard Sonic screaming at me, telling me I'm a murderer.

_Murderer_

Great, the pain rolls back into me and I try to blink back tears. I'm a goddamn murderer. I must've been kidding if I thought the pain would ever go away.

"We've finally found you a willing blood donor and your transfusion will happen tomorrow." He began.

"That's the good news?" I claimed dully. What's the point? I deserve all I get for killing Cosmo, when she least deserved it. So why bother? My eyes land on my belly again, '_At least until the baby's born…'_

"Yes, I'll be back later to talk to you, you have a visitor." he quickly stammered, getting up and walking out of the room as fast as he could.

What the hell was the bad news then? Heh, probably some random crap that I'd find good news in my state of being. Anyway, I had a visitor so I decided to at least try and cheer up.

Amy walked into the room stiffly, her cheeks a pale colour and her eyes dull. She looked like she hadn't slept in a million years, but I guess I look the same. She sat down, trying her hardest to smile at me.

"How are you Tails?" she asked me in a strange voice, one that sounded like she had been crying. My heart began to pulse in fear.

'_Does she know?'_

"Are you okay?" I asked, forgetting about me for once and worrying about Amy's state of wellbeing.

"It's nothing Tails… you're the top priority now so… how have you been?" she babbled quickly, trying to forget everything.

"I'm okay, I guess… just… I want to go home…" I claimed, trying to hold back tears. It's true, I want to go home. But I want Cosmo back even more.

"I guess… being in this hospital must drive you insane." she replied, looking at me. I look away, too ashamed to look at her. I remember what Sonic and I did together and it feels even worse to be talking to Sonic's girlfriend, then one he had cheated on with me.

I think of Sonic again, confused emotions charging through me. I feel guilty about yelling and blaming him for everything, so I ask, "So… how's Sonic?"

I never expected what happened to happen. At that precise moment, Amy burst into tears and laid her head on the bed, sobbing loudly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, panicked that I might've said something to hurt her feelings.

"S-S-Sonic b-broke up with m-me…" she cried, gripping the bed quilt. All I could do was watch someone else cry in pain, watch someone else sob because Sonic hurt them. But why? Why would he break up with her when he vowed on Blue Typhoon that he would always love her and never let anything happen to her?

"Sonic broke up with you?" I asked, carefully reciting the words to show that I was listening. I backed off a little, in case Amy went into one of her rages, but shockingly, she didn't. She just looked up at me with a tearful expression.

"Yes…" she sniffed, "He t-told me that… h-he loved s-someone else…"

Confused emotions filled me. Sonic was in love with someone else? It sickened me, yet I felt like I knew who he was in love with. He couldn't be… could he?

"Tails, what do I do?" Amy suddenly threw herself back on the quilt again and sobbed heavily, "I need him! I love him!"

I feel guilty. Somewhere in the back of my head I know it's me who Sonic is in love with and it's because of that Amy is lying on my bed crying her heart out. I glare at the ceiling. Damn you Sonic. But yet I feel somewhat fulfilled. Almost like I _want _Sonic to love me… in that way. My emotions are so mixed up that I end up sobbing unknowingly.

"Don't cry Amy… please don't…" I rub her quills as she sobbed helplessly. How could that blue bastard do this to her when all she ever did was love him?

Amy sniffled, coming into focus with my face, "Sorry… don't cry because of me…"

I wipe away any stray tears streaming out of my eyes and down my face, weakly smiling at the pink hedgehog in front of me. Eventually I plucked up the courage and said, "You'll find better Amy… there's still someone out there for you and you'll find that someone, okay?"

I look at my hands in my lap, my thoughts turning back to Cosmo. How I had my thumb firmly pressed on that button, the bright flash and explosion… all that I had caused. Those thoughts brought me into full sobbing mode again, and I was left with Amy wrapping her arms around me and hugging me.

"It's okay…" she whispered into my ear, "Everything will be okay…"

"No it won't!" I cry loudly, "It never will be okay! I killed Cosmo and I don't _deserve_anything to be okay for me!"

Amy hugged me a little bit tighter at those words, "I know how much you miss her Tails, but you have to let go. Cosmo wouldn't want you to wallow around in misery, would she?"

"Yes but… I killed her, blamed Sonic and now… everything's so confusing!" I practically screamed. Amy cradled me in her arms like a baby, and it soothed me, calming me down by quite a lot.

"Tails… you both did it for the universe… Cosmo chose that way out… and we all wanted to stop her, believe me…" the girl cooed into my ear.

"I know but… I… I… blamed Sonic… and now he hates me… with good reason too…" I cried. At that moment I would give anything for my best friend to just come in and hold me tightly, despite how much Amy might be doing a good job, "I feel like… I hate him yet I want him back…"

_**And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed  
They say it's my fault but I want him so much  
Wanna fly him away where the sun and rain  
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame**_

"Well, give him a chance to be the friend you once knew… lay all those emotions and Cosmo to rest and move on… it's what she would have wanted…" she told me softly.

She's right. Cosmo wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in my own self-pity, like I have been doing since she died. Strange, I loved Cosmo but there was something my best friend gave me… something that made me whole…

"Well… I'll see ya later Tails…" Amy said, giving me one last hug, pulling away and kissing my forehead. She left the room, giving me a look which told me everything would be alright.

I think. Sonic's broken up with Amy. He told her he loved her and I heard him say it not long after Cosmo's death aboard Blue Typhoon. But I knew he never loved her, he almost admitted it when he couldn't say it to my face. I half-dread and half-hope that it's me he loves. It'd probably explain why he kissed me and made love to me that night.

My thoughts land on Sonic, and for some reason my heart beats faster as I remembered when he saved me from some robots, and we both defeated them together. I remembered the feeling that flooded through me.

The feeling of being able to do anything.

That's why I always felt whole when I was with him. Something I never really had with Cosmo, at least not as strong as with Sonic. My brain stopped, _'Do I… love him…?'_

**_When they stop and stare - don't worry me  
'Cause I'm feeling for him what he's feeling for me  
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head_**

Yes I do. That's probably the reason why I blocked Sonic out, made believe I hated him when I didn't. It was because I wasn't ready to let go of Cosmo and the love I had for her. I'm still not sure I'm ready.

"_At least I died knowing you loved me…" _a voice said, an angelic tone I had heard before but the memory of it had almost gone.

I look around the room frantically and my eyes widen as a green plant girl sat on the edge of my bed. I almost cry as I see Cosmo again, sitting there with a smile on her face.

"C-Cosmo…?" I begin to sob, seeing her there.

"_Yes Tails… please… don't cry for me anymore… what's done is done, it wasn't your fault…"_

"Cosmo… I love you… please don't go…" I cry, wanting to grab her so badly. I stretch out my hand to meet hers, but find that I made no contact with anything. Cosmo looked at her hand with a sad expression.

"_Tails… I'll always love you… no matter what happens… so follow your heart… live the way you want to, and find someone who can love you as much as I do…" _Cosmo whispered to me, starting to fade away.

"COSMO! DON'T LEAVE!" I scream, trying to force myself off of the bed, but smacking my head against the pillow softly, "COSMO! _COSMO_"

It was too late. She was gone again. I sob loudly, though my heart was telling me it was alright. Cosmo still loves me. And I still love her. But it's okay to love another and move on.

I have to tell Sonic.

The doctor enters the room with a shocked expression on his face. He sat down next to me in a hurry and checked up on me. He must've heard my screams. After seeing I was okay, he sighed in relief, settled down and gulped.

"I have some bad news for you…"

"What?" I asked, mentally preparing myself.

"Well… it's about… the blood transfusion…"

"What about it?" I asked curiously.

"Well… there's a seventy five percent chance that… your baby could die in the transfusion…" the black dog shuffled nervously.


	7. Forgiveness

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project._

**Because of You**

Everything is numb. Cold, numb and empty. The doctor had left a while ago, leaving me with the most important decision of my life. It's a cold realization, in which my baby could die if I chose to save my life. It's… just painful.

Yet I feel so different now. Numb, in pain, yet a part of me shines in happiness. One tiny shred, but it doesn't go by unnoticed.

I can smile whenever I think of him now, instead of filling myself with complete rage over something he couldn't help prevent. My feelings have rapidly changed, and I don't think I can stop it, and I don't think I want to either. I still feel some sort of pain from that night, but it's not as hurting as it seemed at first.

I wish he were here now. Then I can tell him how sorry I am. Then I can tell him how much of a great influence he has been on my life and how I never want to let him think I've hurt him.

I still feel hurt by that night though. He could have handled that situation better. He could have merely hugged me and told me he cared, instead of practically strapping me to the bed. But I'm also glad he did it somehow, in a way I can't explain.

All these thoughts of Sonic cheer me up. It takes my mind off of the numb realization that my baby could die. _Our_ baby. All of a sudden, I want to share this burden with him. Let him be a part of our lives again. Go back to the way things were before.

No, I want to go further. I want things to change. Too long has my life been all about me, in the workshop, just the clever Foxboy that works on inventions. I want to be someone more. I want to get out there and let people see me for who I really am. And I want Sonic right by my side.

But will he forgive me?

I hope so. I want him back. I can only dream of being with the only person that made me feel whole and pure. Like I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. Yeah, it's a perfect dream, but he's probably too hurt to want me to be his friend again.

I wish he were here now. So I could weep into his arms the way I used to when I was a kid. And he would hold me and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I could glide my hands through that soft, sweet smelling blue fur and gaze forever into those pure green eyes.

I've changed my tune. I laugh when I remember only a few days ago; I'd give anything for Sonic to be punished, to pay for what he did. But he never did anything, I know that.

And I did what I did because I had to. She showed me that. I feel so content and sane for the first time in my life since Cosmo's death. I know now I can let her go and love her all the same, yet love Sonic too.

The doctor's have been fussing over me for ages. I want to be left alone. It's my burden. It's up to me and me alone to choose whether or not I want the transfusion done. I'm the one carrying the baby and I'm the one in need of the transfusion.

On one hand, if I say yes and agree to the transfusion, I could get better and leave this hospital. But chances are high that my baby could die.

On the other hand, if I said yes and disagreed to having the transfusion, I could die as well as my baby. It seems like there's only one way to go, doesn't it? But why do I feel like I can't?

So I lay here. The doctor's expect me to make up my mind. My transfusion's this afternoon. I need it to live, so my baby could live. But why can't I come out and say it?

"God I'm so torn!" I sighed exasperatedly, slumping back into the pillow. I roll over onto and snuggle into it, memories of that night coming back again. I remember after the deed was done and Sonic lay in my arms. It was such a warm feeling. I wonder if he felt what I felt that night. The feeling of finding that special person.

Guilt fills my stomach as I remember the events of yesterday. Amy, crying at my bedside, pouring her heart out about Sonic breaking up with her, telling her he loved someone else. And for all I know that person Sonic loves now could be me.

I wonder what Amy's reaction would be. I imagined her screaming and yelling at me, tears pouring down red cheeks, shouting that she trusted me when she confided in me, and that I had betrayed her. I shiver, imagining what else she could do. Probably attack me with that hammer of hers.

Love is such a horrible game at times. People's hearts can rip in two, like mine did after Cosmo's death. And like Amy's heart will do when she finds out the truth.

I sigh and gaze at the ceiling, "I'm sorry Amy…"

At that moment, the dog doctor entered the room again. I gotta hand it to him, he did a good job of keeping me as well as I could be when I was here. He approached me and sat down on my bed, looking at my pale complexion, "How are you doing today?"

I nodded slightly, "I'm okay I guess…"

"That's great. We need to know now, are you going through with the transfusion? Because there is a free slot for you to have it done now, and your blood donor is waiting outside."

I lay there, my eyes gazing ahead. I'm still not sure of what I want, though it seems clear to me what the best decision was. I look down, "I still don't know what I want…"

The dog sighed, "Well, your donor's waiting outside and he said he wanted to speak with you. Of course, seeing as how you reacted earlier towards his visits we find it highly inappropriate but it's your call."

I have a fleeting hope that it's who I think it is. I nodded, "Yeah, I'll talk with him."

The dog nodded and left the room. Minutes later, my heart started pounding as Sonic walked into the room nervously. I try to fight back a smile as Sonic sat beside me. The doctor stood at the door, watching everything. I throw a glare at him, "Can we be left in private please?"

The dog shrugged, stalking out of the room with his nose in the air. I swear I could have laughed at that sight. It'd feel great to laugh again.

There is silence. There were so many things I wanted to say to Sonic when I saw him. I even rehearsed it in my head. But now, all the words have been erased and I'm confused at what I want to say to him now. I gather up my courage and think about what I want to be said, and it was staring me in the face all along. The obvious thing to say…

"I'm sorry." I said slowly, before it caught my attention that Sonic had said it at the same time. I fight back a blush, as Sonic's eyes landed on his shoes.

"Tails, I… I'm so sorry, I should never have said what I did and I should never have done what I did that night and…"

"Sonic… can you let me say what I have to say?" I asked kindly. I have to say this to him now. He has to know I don't hate him anymore. Sonic's face falls to the ground and he nodded slowly.

"Sonic… you were right. I did kill Cosmo," I started. Sonic was about to interrupt with an objection but I held my hand up wearily to silence him, "But it was for the good of the universe, and she wanted it to be that way."

Sonic blinked and I saw this as my chance to continue, "I should never have blamed you for what happened to Cosmo, nor should I have overreacted when you tried to see me and make it up to me. I'm an idiot… forgive me?"

Sonic's clearly stunned. He obviously didn't expect an apology from me. He expected me to rant and tell him to get out of my life. I can tell that so easily. Sonic eventually nodded, "Yeah… I forgive you little buddy… if you forgive me…?"

I shook my head, "No, there's nothing to be forgiven in your case Sonic…"

"Yes there was. I should never have done what I did that night. I hurt you and now you're lying here and…" Sonic broke off, unable to continue with his words. He pointed at my belly shakily. He looks so confused and hurt as he leaned closer to me, "I-Is it mine?"

I nodded straight away. It's time I was honest with him, and let him in. After all, it was his baby too and it could die in this transfusion. Sonic looked at the floor again, silent for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry I did that to you Tails…" Sonic said slowly, almost trying not to cry.

"Don't be. What's done is done and it's in the past… I want things to go back to normal, or somewhere near that." I kindly replied, reaching a hand over to stroke Sonic's cheek, and I caught a few tears on my glove.

"Don't cry, that's not the Sonic I know." I manage a smile, as Sonic looks into my eyes with a weak grin.

"You're right." Sonic stated, wiping his tears away with his arm. He grinned at me, with that true smile that was Sonic the Hedgehog.

Silence followed. Everything was forgiven. We were friends again.

"So the transfusion's in a few minutes huh?" Sonic asked, sighing in a nervous tone. I nodded in answer to his question. Sonic sighed again and put on a smile.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to, they'll find another blood donor." I pointed out to the shaking hedgehog, who grinned at me.

"No Tails," he said to me in a calm tone, "It'll be okay. You're my best friend, and I can't let you die… and I can't let," Sonic pointed at my belly again, "I can't let our kid die."

"Chances are it might though, but I… I want to take this chance." I said, my mind coming to the decision. I couldn't live without Sonic by my side. It's a win-win opportunity that I have to take.

Sonic leaned forward a little bit, "Then take it…"

I think for a while, and then nod. Sonic is right. This is the only chance I'm going to get to live. I have to take it, "I'll do it Sonic."

Sonic smiled weakly, grabbing my hand and stroking it. The warmth is beyond anything I have ever felt before. I smiled as he leant down and gazed into my eyes. I was ready for it this time. And I wanted it.

Our lips met for the first time since that night all those weeks ago. My hands automatically glide through his soft, sweet smelling fur, and quills as Sonic stroked my unclean messy fur. Everything seems to be going the way I wanted it. Everything's going back to normal.

Or at least, as normal as it could be.

We break off from our short kiss and I take the opportunity to gaze into his green eyes. They're so pure and sweet, how could I have once hated them and the hedgehog that came with them?

"I really care about you Tails." Sonic admitted, blushing furiously, covering his face as best he could.

"That's why you broke up with Amy, wasn't it? Because you-" I started, but never got the chance to continue.

"Because I love you." Sonic finished, blushing an awful lot. What can he see in me? I'm a fourteen year old kid, who cut himself in depression. He's a twenty-one year old man, who always manages to stay happy, no matter what.

I could ask, but emotion was taking over, "I love you too Sonic."

He smiled at me and leant toward me again. Everything felt so right with him, though guaranteed many people would say it's wrong. Our lips were about to touch again when the door opened, and Sonic leapt back into his seat.

The doctor had entered the room again, looking very serious, "Well Mr. Prower, is it a yes or a no?"

I glance at Sonic, who gives me a warm reassuring smile. I know what I want now. I'd have to take the risk, "I'll do it."

The dog smiled at me, as I smiled at Sonic, grabbing his hand in enthusiasm, "Well let's get on with it then shall we?"

As I'm led along to the room while Sonic's being prepared, my fears are dispelled. Every little bit of hatred is gone, as is the depression.

I know I'll make it through okay. Sonic's love will guide me back to the light.


	8. Pure, Unbreakable Love

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to somebody else._

**Because of You**

It's over. I had immediately been wheeled in, and injected, left laying there, my fears erased due to the fact that Sonic and I are friends again. Well… maybe a little more. I'd be lying if I said I never had any feelings for him in that way.

And now it's over. I awoke about half an hour ago, coughing violently, which meant the doctors were with me for a good length of time, watching over me and making sure I wasn't terribly hurt. But there was only one person I wanted there, but he too has to recover.

He didn't have to do it. He didn't have to stop just for me. He could've carried on running, faster than the speed of sound, continuing to travel into the light. But he stopped. He stopped, he turned around and he waited for me to come with him. He was willing to do anything if it meant I wasn't alone. I'm eternally grateful to that guy.

The doctor who had been the one watching over me flitted in and out of the room every now and then, casting his eyes over me with a soft smile on occasion, and then turning away. His eyes no longer held fear as he looked me over. I made a mental note to leave him a card with a long meaningful thank you.

That day came and went with very little activity, almost like it was before the transfusion. But before the transfusion I was so lost in hate for Sonic that I didn't notice the dullness settled around me. Now I have nothing more to wallow in, the boredom settled in like a bad smell.

I yawned, curling over, praying that I'd be able to get in a good night's sleep, unlike these past few weeks. The only problem was that my body ached and I often found difficulty when I attempted to sleep while in pain.

Maybe dreams of Sonic would help me forget the pain…

**XXX**

_My finger on the button. My eyes filled with tears. I gaze ahead at the beautiful elegant figure before me: Cosmo. _

"_Don't make me do this Cosmo…" I pleaded, "Please…"_

"_Shoot on me Tails. Please, it's the only way of destroying Dark Oak…" _

_I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head vigorously. She's asking something of me that I don't have in me. I'm not a killer. Especially not if it means someone I care for more than anybody._

_I can't kill her._

_I won't kill her._

"_Tails, the universe will all be destroyed if you don't do this…" she begged, tears coming into her shiny sapphire eyes._

"_I… I can't…" I choked out, "I love you too much…"_

_Cosmo's eyes looked at me sympathetically, "I love you too Tails, but it has to be done…"_

_I sobbed; it was all I could do. I let my tears fall, "I'll always love you Tails…"_

_My thumb pressed down on the button, sealing Cosmo's fate._

**XXX**

"_Tails… WAKE UP!" _

I felt someone roughly shaking me by the shoulders, my head banged on the pillows a few times and my eyes snapped open to find a familiar figure standing over me.

_Sonic…_

"Are you alright?" Sonic questioned in a worried tone, "You looked like you were having a bad nightmare."

I shivered violently, remembering the contents of the dream. Cosmo is dead. I've accepted that. Why do I still have to be haunted by her death when I had already let her go?

"I dreamt about… it," I began, trying to slow my breathing speed down, "You know… Cosmo's death."

Sonic looked at me with an expression that I found very hard to read. I vaguely wondered whether Sonic would start yelling at me for still loving Cosmo, but he merely pressed his un-gloved hand against my forehead, obviously checking my temperature. After being satisfied that my temperature was normal, he clasped my hand in his and stroked it with his thumb, "Tell me all about it."

I recounted the whole dream to Sonic, who only sat there and listened to whatever I said, and it certainly made me feel a lot better. Not once did the blue hedgehog interrupt, nor did he ask awkward questions.

"You and Shadow hit the planet in your super forms and… the planet blew up," I finished, feeling relieved that Sonic wasn't taking my remaining love for Cosmo to heart.

"Tails, it's grief," Sonic told me slowly, "You're not grieving as harshly as you did before the transfusion, but you're still grieving nonetheless. She was your first love and she is always going to be a part of you, no matter what happens in the future."

"I accept that she's dead," I began again, "But why do I have to suffer with these nightmares?"

Sonic raised an eyebrow in questioning, "You've had these nightmares before?"

To that question I could only nod, "Every night since she died."

"Time is the only cure, Tails. Even then you'll probably never fully heal," Sonic softly said, stroking my hand softly. It made me feel better to know he was there.

"Thank you Sonic. You made me feel a whole lot better…" I sighed softly, giving him one of my truer smiles, one that I had never really given before Sonic confessed his love for me. Coming onto that, I still remain confused as to why Sonic loves me. I want to ask, yet it would seem rude. What if Sonic himself didn't know anyway? It was best to remain silent.

A long silence followed. I could think of nothing to say to him, and I could tell it was the same situation with him. The blue hedgehog only sat there on the end of my bed, stroking my hand.

After a while, Sonic broke the silence, "So… how are you feeling?"

I wasn't really sure. My stomach still ached, I had a headache, and yet I strangely felt content with it all, "I'm fine, I guess. How are you? I thought they weren't letting you out until tomorrow?"

"Nothing can keep this hedgehog down," Sonic winked at me, "I'm a fast healer anyway."

I smiled at Sonic's cocky nature at that second. It was strangely comforting to me in that moment, partly because it wasn't on a topic I was uncomfortable about talking about. At that moment though, Sonic's face turned slightly pale and he looked at the floor.

"What's wrong?" I asked the blue hedgehog, who looked up with a worried look on his face.

"Do you think that… it survived?" Sonic asked. I knew at one point our discussions would turn to the baby. _Our_ baby.How could I have forgotten? I've been carrying it around for a good month or two; I mentally hit myself for forgetting.

"We'll find out tomorrow I guess…" I sighed, slumping back into the pillow.

"Sorry," Sonic said quietly.

"What for?" I questioned, noticing Sonic had a look of unmistakeable guilt on his face.

Sonic replied glumly, "For getting you pregnant in the first place."

"Sonic, it's done," I began, a firm hint to my voice, "We can't change the past. But we can look to the future. You taught me that, remember?"

A weak smile crossed Sonic's face as I gripped his hand as tightly as he gripped mine, "You're right. I remember that. I also remember having to teach you a lot of things anyway."

A smirk crossed my furry muzzle, "Oh, like what?"

"Like how to fend for yourself instead of relying on me all the time," Sonic began, "How to catch up to me, how to trick Egghead's stupid robots, how to lie about my whereabouts…"

"To Amy you mean?" I joked, before the feeling of guilt filled my stomach, remembering Amy's teary face when she had told me Sonic had ended it with her.

"Yeah, like Amy…" Sonic's thoughts had trailed to what mine had trailed to, "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

I remember vaguely what Sonic had told me, about Cosmo being my first love, and how she would always be a part of me, no matter what happened. Amy was Sonic's very first love, and she, like Cosmo was to me, would always be a part of the blue hedgehog. It would be the same for Amy, despite the fact that she was as stubborn as a mule and not a person to forgive easily, Sonic _was _her first love too.

I sighed softly, "Don't worry, Amy's got a hard head but she probably cares about you too much to risk losing your friendship."

Sonic's shining emerald orbs looked to the floor again, as he twiddled his thumbs, "I don't know how she's going to take it…"

I smiled at him in an encouraging way, "Don't worry. We'll tell her together."

Sonic looked into my eyes with a weak smile clearly thanking me for my support. I smiled back, our hands still sandwiched together on the bed. I knew how Amy would react to our newfound relationship. I could already picture her tearful expression, calling me a traitor in high-pitched tones and possibly screaming hatred for Sonic. No wonder Sonic was worried about facing her…

"Thanks, Tails." Sonic murmured weakly, the faint yet unmistakeable sign of a blush spreading across his cheeks. I blinked. I had never really taken the chance to notice it before; Sonic blushing. It was an odd sight, yet one I found beautiful and rare.

"No problem," I whispered back to him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

I spent a lot of time after that gazing into Sonic's flawless emerald eyes, noticing how they seemed to shine and block out the darkness surrounding us with nothing at all. I vaguely wondered how anyone could be born with such beautiful eyes. It seemed like a rare gift that I was unlikely to ever see in anyone else but my best friend, my lover. His eyes stared intensely at me, into my own blue eyes, which I found to be dull and interesting compared to the beauty of Sonic's eyes, which seemed to withhold something pure and unbreakable.

It was love. Pure, unbreakable love.

Sonic leans towards me a little closer and I do the same, and I feel the soft touch of Sonic's lips on my own. It's hard to describe the feeling; it's almost like I'm soaring higher than I ever could in a plane, space ship or even with my own two tails. We fly higher, almost touching heaven, as our kiss becomes slightly more passionate, though not losing the innocence at the beginning. I feel myself landing in my bed again as we break off for air.

I managed to snuggle up to Sonic with a soft quiet sigh, "I love you Sonic the Hedgehog."

Sonic smiled, wrapping his strong arms around me and kissing my forehead between my bangs, "And I love you, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

I fell asleep in his arms, and no longer dreamed of Cosmo's death. This night was about me and him. It's just the two of us.

I could only hope that wherever Cosmo was now; she was happy and free from the pains that held her down before she died.


	9. Hero

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to somebody else._

**Because of You**

I was awoken to a bright light early that next morning. No matter how much I tried to squeeze my eyes shut, no matter how much I tried to relax, the sunlight eventually forced me to open them. As soon as I did though I half wished I could close them again. The brightness seemed to burn, and my vision blurred.

Sighing, I shifted about and a small smile crossed my lips. He was still here with me. He didn't leave me overnight. I allowed my small, nimble fingers to stroke his arms slightly. A small masculine sound from behind me worked as evidence that he was awake.

"Morning," he whispered sweetly, bringing my body closer to his and nuzzling my ear. I sighed again, for possibly the first time in my life since her death feeling relaxed and contempt.

I whispered back, rolling over, wanting to see those beautiful emerald eyes again, "Morning."

He wore a beautiful smile on his handsome features, one that would have made me fall to my knees had I been standing. My breathing quickened as he leant a little closer to me. My heart instantly yearned to feel the flying sensation I had felt the previous night.

It didn't last long. It was pretty much over before we'd even started. I felt a little disappointment when he pulled away from me, gazing endlessly into my eyes and stroking my cheek.

"No more bad nightmares?" he raised his eyebrows, pulling me close once more, but instead of resting his sugary sweet lips on mine again, he rested my head under his chin.

Making the most of it, I absentmindedly allowed my hands to run over his chest, to which I could swear I felt the smile on his face widen, "No."

"That's good."

I did not know what to say to him. It was certainly odd; there were always times in the past where I could find words to say to him. If there was anybody who I could speak to with complete confidence, it was Sonic. Yet now something held me back, and my mind had gone completely blank.

"What're you thinking?" I eventually blurted out after approximately five minutes of silence. It was straight after the words came out of my mouth when I realized just how nosy and rude that sounded. Almost instantly I threw a hand to my mouth and muttered an apology.

Sonic pulled me out from under his chin, stroking my cheek again softly. I gently placed my hand over his and enjoyed the view to his gorgeous green orbs. No, not green. Emerald. His eyes are the purest shade of emerald.

He was smiling at me, and the pace of my heart quickened, "I was just thinking about how beautiful your eyes are."

I felt the heat in my cheeks rise dramatically and I found myself trying to look anywhere but into Sonic's eyes, "Yeah well… they're not as beautiful as yours."

"I don't know about that," I felt my face being tilted upwards, and once again I was gazing deeply into Sonic's soul, "Blue is one of my favourite colours, ya know."

I blushed furiously, releasing nervous giggles, "And emerald is one of mine."

I never wanted to move, nor did I want him to move. I could tell he felt the same. His eyes watered a little, before he leaned forward and pecked my forehead, rubbing my bangs.

"I love you so much, Tails," he whispered, nuzzling me gently. I smiled weakly.

"Is this a daily treatment Sonic?" I chuckled, trying to force the hot flush off of my face. He nodded, giving me yet another wet kiss on the forehead.

Sonic's face had suddenly adopted a serious look and his eyes seemed to moisten a little, "I nearly lost you Tails. I don't think I can let a moment go by anymore without letting you know how I feel."

I smiled weakly, and stroked his cheek softly, "You never lost me in the first place. I was just… temporarily lost."

"What do you mean?" Sonic asked with a heavy look of confusion on his face. It was my turn to plant a kiss on his forehead.

"When Cosmo died I forgot who I was," I began, trying to push all thoughts of the beautiful young girl I once loved out of my mind, "It was almost like I couldn't recognize you, or anyone else. The whole world was against me, Sonic."

"No we-"

I placed my index finger on his lips, "Just let me finish please… I _knew _Cosmo would never be able to come back to life. Nothing can reawaken the dead. It didn't stop me wishing though. The pain was unbearable. I was willing to do _anything _to escape."

"Even kill yourself?" Sonic asked hoarsely, looking more downcast than before.

I paused, thinking on it, before nodding slowly, "Yes."

A long silence seemed to follow. The air seemed to fill with a darkened atmosphere, as if the world had stopped turning. At first, I was sure Sonic would treat me like I was mentally unstable, back away slowly, before darting out of the door and calling someone to take me away. I never really expected him to pull me closer towards him and hug me, not like a brother, but a lover.

That's when it hit me; we're lovers. The guy who I once considered an older brother is no longer that. It struck me how much I had grown up… how much _we_ had grown up.

"I'm sorry…" Sonic whispered. From the sounds of it, he was crying. I only had to look up to confirm this, and I hugged him back, tighter than before.

"Don't be," I murmured back, running my hands through his cerulean fur, "You didn't kill Cosmo."

"I could've tried harder to save her…" the blue hedgehog whined softly. A painful burst of guilt filled my stomach; it had been believing that Sonic didn't try hard enough that had led to me being hospitalized in the first place. That had led to Sonic worrying about me. I shook my head, trying to shake those thoughts out, before allowing myself to nuzzle his chin.

"You tried your best," I told him, curling up in his arms almost like a baby, "I should never have asked for anything more. I should never have… you know."

"But you were right in a way Tails," Sonic sobbed silently, rubbing my back, "I don't deserve to call myself a hero."

Part of me wanted to slap him around the face, deny all of what he believed, but I realized it would only make things worse instead of better. I slowly pulled away from him and cupped his face in my hands. It felt odd looking at Sonic's tear-streaked face; I had never known the hedgehog hero to cry; not ever.

"Heroes don't succeed in everything Sonic," I told him in a serious tone. A part of me feared that if Sonic weren't careful, he'd become as depressed as I was, "If you had gone after Cosmo, you'd have died for sure."

The hedgehog's facial expression became a little heavier, "At least I wouldn't have felt this guilt."

"Get a hold of yourself Sonic!" I raised my voice a little, feeling my eyes water; I could not bear to think of him in so much pain. Now I know how he must have felt when I self-harmed, "Don't do this to me! What's done is done! I'm moving on! I'll never stop loving Cosmo, never! But it doesn't stop me from loving you as well!"

"Maybe you're right…" Sonic said slowly, smiling weakly at me, "But how can you love me after all of that…?"

"I don't know," I said softly, "I just do. I'm not sure how, but I just do. You do too… right?"

Without a hesitation Sonic nodded, "Of course I do. More than anything."

I smiled, running my thumb across his cheek softly, "I suppose it means that I've always loved you. I probably just didn't know of it."

He nodded in agreement to what I said, leaning forward to give me a soft kiss, this one lasting longer than the previous ones of this early morning.

After a short silence, Sonic asked, "Tails… how am I going to break it to Amy?"

I noticed how worried he looked as he asked me that tough question. I paused for thought, trying to work out how to tell Sonic's ex-girlfriend that he had dumped her because he was in love with me; someone of the same gender as him. I didn't really want to think about it. I now envisioned her chasing me with that hammer of hers, which is pretty much everyone's worst nightmare. I forced a smile onto my face and looked at my partner, "_We_ will have to break it to her. I don't know how, but we will when the time is right."

Sonic shifted about uncomfortably, "And when would that be? Tails, if I'm going to be with you, then I need to clear the air with Amy first. You _do_ want to be with me, don't you?"

I gave him a false look of offence, "Of course I do! But… we need to work out what to say to her… I mean, think of what her reaction might be if we say the wrong thing…"

"And what about…" Sonic pointed at my slightly chubby belly, his eyes wide.

"I've got to go for a scan in a few hours I think," I told him slowly before he could finish his sentence, "So they can see if the baby's survived. I'll get the results in a few days."

"Right…" Sonic muttered, looking quite awkward, "Sorry for putting you through so much stress Tails."

"Don't be," I said in a firm voice, "No point brooding over the past. You never do."

After a short snort, Sonic leaned back a little, "I'm an idiot. That's why…"

A long silence followed before I noticed the blue hedgehog had leaned forward again, giving me a strange look, "Why Tails?"

I blinked in confusion, "Why what?"

"Why did you follow me as a child?" Sonic asked me, his eyes intently looking for answers, "Why do you look up to me? Why do you stick by me even when I do the stupidest of things?"

I was about to answer those questions, but I was caught off guard when Sonic's shimmering emerald eyes gazed into my own, "Why do you love me, Tails?"

I didn't even need to think about it. I already knew the answer.

Without hesitation I leaned on him again, nuzzling his cheek, "Because you're my hero."

**A/N**

_Sorry the chapter's quite short, but once I had reached that point I felt no need to carry on. So I'm putting off a few things, just to make people wonder more. It is inevitable that Tails and Sonic will confront Amy. As for the baby, I am giving nothing away._


	10. Musings

_Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to somebody else._

**Because of You**

If you had told me a couple of months ago that I would find myself attempting a loving relationship with the hedgehog who was like a brother to me, I would have shrugged it off and laughed.

If you had told me two weeks ago that I would find myself in a loving relationship with said hedgehog, I would have likely in my distraught state of mind have attacked verbally, possibly even physically, proclaiming my hatred of him over and over.

If there is one thing this experience has taught me, it is that nothing is impossible.

It has been several days since the blood transfusion, and to say that I was feeling well was an understatement; I felt incredibly good, albeit a few periods of stomach cramps which did attempt to get my spirits down. However, a few visits from Sonic were the perfect cure for said cramps.

It's hard to put into words. It was barely a few days ago that I was stuck inside of a cold, black hole that I seemingly could not escape from… and now I have.

I stole a glance towards the door, my mind entering a period of desire – desiring to know when the charming cerulean speedster that had saved me from my black hole of depression would return for another visit, flashing a cheeky grin and patting my head playfully.

Nothing yet. Ah well.

I smile to myself softly, absentmindedly fiddling with the white fur on my chest, which had become extremely messy and uncared for in all of my time in the hospital. I had never really felt any particular motivation when it came to combing – either because I had fallen too deep into self-hatred to care much or because I had my mind on other things.

Like Sonic.

Whether I had loved or hated him, somehow I still needed him. I'm strong enough to stand on my own now but…

I'll _always _need him.

He's always been there for me; it'd be too alien to imagine a life without him in it, with his cocky grin, spiked quills and charming green eyes.

_Alien._

I froze, realizing the thought that had occurred; she's entered my head again, with the same amount of intensity and agony as before, attempting to tear at my soul with the emotional loss.

No.

I'm getting better. I won't let myself get dragged back down into that depressive cold hole.

I'll never forget Cosmo; I swore to myself that, regardless of possibly having my heart belonging to someone else, the lovely girl who first made me feel like more than a simple mechanic, more than Sonic's sidekick, would never leave that place I had made especially for her.

I'm putting the pieces of my heart back together.

It was what she'd have wanted most.

I glance below my white, furry chest to take a glance at my ever-so-slightly swollen belly in an attempt to take my mind off of Cosmo's demise.

I wonder what he will look like.

It has to be a boy, considering the chromosomes would only be that of a male, considering that the child was, by some form of a miracle, conceived by two males. Though considering it had been miracle enough for me to get pregnant, there is always the small possibility of it being female.

I think about who he will take after.

I hope it isn't me. Sonic is brave, courageous, and although he can be a little on the cocky side, he has a heart of pure gold. I'm smart, but I'm not so sure if I can apply all of the same qualities that could be applied to Sonic to me. Maybe the child would be better off if it had most of Sonic's qualities – his courage, his loyalty… maybe toss my smarts in there too just so I can say that he has at least a little bit of my genes.

I question on which one of us he will take after in terms of appearance.

Oh, wait.

He'd be a crossbreed, so he'd take after both. He'd probably have hedgehog quills and fox tails. I shudder at the thought of that; I don't really relish the thought of a child of mine having two tails like I do.

The poor guy will probably be bullied enough for being a crossbreed. Much like I was for having two tails instead of one; bullied for being a mutant.

I speculate on how my life will change, sharing it with Sonic and this child.

It'd probably be a massive improvement over sitting in this bed, waiting for him to poke his head around the door, or for the doctor's to give me another check-up.

I see somebody walk past the door, and I almost fill my heart lift with joy, but it quickly falls again with mild disappointment when I realize that it's not somebody I recognize – they're here to see somebody else.

Waiting is an awful, dragging experience.

I know I'm going to get my results back today. I can feel it.

Today is the day I will find out if my baby's still alive.

I find myself subconsciously biting my lip, glancing towards the door and wishing that Sonic were here more than ever.

_Goddamn, Sonic. I need you._

I rest my hand on my stomach, trying to feel around for some form of movement. Maybe… just maybe… if I can feel _something_… maybe then I won't need to wait. I'll know without needing a doctor to tell me, stony-faced, whether or not my baby has survived.

Nothing.

I probably should have expected as much. I'm only approximately three weeks into the pregnancy. Maybe a little bit longer than that. I'm not quite sure. It's hard to keep track of time in here.

The baby's there.

I know he is.

When he's born, Sonic and I are going to probably going to sit back – well, _I _will, there's no stopping Sonic – and raise the child in one location. Maybe when he gets older, we'll go travelling.

Maybe he'll run as fast as Sonic. That'd be handy.

Maybe he'll have the same interest in bi-planes and mechanics that I do. That'd be pretty good.

Maybe he'll inherit Sonic's sparkling emerald eyes. I know that Sonic would be one to say he would want the baby to have my eyes, but I'd much rather see my partner's emerald eyes staring at me, reminding me of what I've gained consistently.

It'll be perfect.

_But what if the baby dies?_

No.

That could not happen. I am lucky, Sonic's even luckier, and this child would inherit our streak of luck.

Still… the 'what if' thought creeps over my mind, consuming me, almost sending a wave of fright through my body.

I don't know what I'd do if the baby has died.

I quickly take a glance at the scars that rest on one of my tails, evidence of what had happened the last time someone I loved had died.

I can't help but feel horrified at the thought of it possibly happening again.

No.

It won't.

The baby will have survived.

Sonic and I will raise it together, in my workshop in Mystic Ruins. He'll be brave, strong and smart, like his daddy. Sonic, that is.

He'll be the epitome of perfection, at least in my eyes, despite the fact that nobody is perfect.

I cannot wait.

The door slides open again, and I tense upon the sight of the doctor approaching me.

This is it.

Sonic's still not here yet.

The doctor _can't _be here in that case! Sonic's not here yet! Sonic _needs _to be here to hear this too!

Sonic's not going to be able to hear this. The doctor's not stopping; he's still walking towards me, a clipboard in his hand, and a remorseful expression on his face.

Oh no.

"Mr. Prower?"

Oh, _please _no...

"Yes…?"

Please smile… please… it_ can't_ be!

"I'm ever so sorry."

* * *

_It's Valentine's Day and I had to update with more angst; that's just typical. Well, I had it planned that the baby was not going to make it. It may be a romance, but it's also an angst as well, so I felt the need to try and help it conform more to both genres despite poor Tails having suffered enough. I had a hard time writing this chapter, but I got a lot of motivation when I realized Valentine's Day was coming up. So... I've finally updated this. Next chapter will be updated when I have less coursework and get rid of some other plot bunnies._


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